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random act of kindness from the universe

Posted on 2006.01.16 at 18:46
Current Mood: gigglygiggly
Current Music: beatles- hey jude
well, I can't be surprised by this. my world has always been at extremes. maybe that's why I find myself settled in detroit. to get back to topic, I was in a mood. one of loss and remembrance, one of joy and wonder. I was thinking of an old friend, who through circumstance and serendipity I had lost contact with. I was in a fucking mood to boil my mind in hot oil, so instead I sent out a bulittin on myspace. a little meme to spread. I am looking for.... well if you where my friend you know. so I also, for shits and giggles, sent out a couple random messages to people in a couple states where I thought she might be. I didn't expect anything of it. but it was a good venting exercise and I felt better. so yesterday I get to the computer and I have a message. "Hey Jack,
i do know ....... i regularly talk to her brother ......, who is in my friend group and he has her as a friend. she is living in california. check my friends find ..... then you will find .... why did you message me? just curious. hope you reach her soon, write me agian if you want take care
H ...."
so this came from one of the few people I randomly messaged. shock and awe, after a couple years of wondering, and one 45 dollar shot at trying, I find her. because I was in a mood and sent off a random prayer to the universe. well I'll be damned if the universe doesn't send me the most random things.:lol:


what inspires you?

Posted on 2006.01.13 at 20:54
I just wanted to take a moment to ask my friends these questions. they seem to be the ones I've been needing to answer lately. sometimes the best guidance comes from related experience.
What is your dream?
What inspires you?
do they connect?
are you living that dream?
do you or have you had to make sacrifices to it?
at what point are dreams not worth the pursuit for you?
what do you do if you have many dreams, but none of witch are your specific talents?


stabilty, unasked for

Posted on 2006.01.12 at 15:11
I had a truck. yes me, a truck. It was a 95 chevy s10 v6 throttlebody injected piece of shit. It was silver with neon orange spay paint covering the rust on the wheel wells and the face of a boxer that needed retired. It had no exaust. It was loud and rough, like most my hearts. It got me everywhere. from flat rock to port huron. It is gone now, and I was upset, but now I see the blessing in it. I live in Ferndale now. I walk everywhere. and I am once again becoming part of a community. I see people on the street, and I know them. I haunt regular places. I work three blocks away, the laudramat is two, and my favorite coffe shop is a 2 minute walk. I never really appreciated being central until I had no choice, and I see now how much I have wasted on gas over the years I have lived in this state. not to mention insurance. enough to pay for this apartment. I can now live on 5 dollars a day to live richly, in the spiritual sense. my favorite tie food I can get for a dollar. every where else I would go, others are heading there, or it's somewhere I don't really need to go. I discovered the bus will take me to wyandote easily. detroit has a bus system. Shock, It has worked thus far. It was my main gripe when I moved here from San Jose. Turns out you just need someone to show you the ropes and it's easy as pie. Pain in the ass, but you can't beat traveling and getting stuff done. I think I'll buy a bike today. Just an awakening. carry on.


every day

Posted on 2006.01.07 at 21:38
Every day I'm here is a stay of execution. Every day I breath my last. I have too much to do for suicide, and too little time till tomorrow. A barrel roll in my chest, I heave a deep sigh. The world is passing me by, and her name lingers. Terra. I met the mother of fortune, and lost my bride to the muse, so now I dredge deep water blues and listen to the drunken hearted man. A sober sight is bad for me in the morning. It makes me spit fire, and dream of Ice queens. One step. That's all I have to do to get past the rail, so why do I linger? Because the rail is behind me, and I've already been there. I killed myself once for love, and that is enough to stay my execution today. Death is every day, we just don't see it. If a man sleeps alone, if a tree falls in the woods, does it matter? What is the cost of the inspired heart? Depth. Heights. But not a ladder in sight, and you're falling, you're flying.


the new year

Posted on 2006.01.02 at 22:41
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Current Music: broken hearted man- robert johnson
death. that is resolution. I've had to kill a part of me this year. but it's ok. it's better off gone. love survives almost anything, but letting go of things, letting be, took alot. last year was promised to be a good year, but instead it ends with a pounding head and a space missing in my mind. I'm sorry for all the shit and drama. I'm sorry for being him. this year, I resolve to no great things, but live a good life. my great loves broke last year. they broke because I fucked with everything. this year I am tao. I pray for redemption.


life and the veracity of the heart.

Posted on 2005.12.23 at 12:22
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: winter rage-
Don't you wish sometimes you could just turn something off? The lower flat mates bathroom fan, the smoke alarms beep every thirty seconds, the traffic outside, the car horn picking up your neighbor two doors down. Quiet the world, Quiet the mind. Let the heart digest the need for silence. The desire for removal. But you can't. to do so you would have to break it. Embrace hate. Turn away yourself. I do not enjoy this din wrapped around my tears, but it is better than the consequences of the impulse to ruin. Metaphors abound in this world, and I wonder what key I'm missing, what lesson I missed in childhood.
Was there a class on patience, did I miss the course on self preservation? To be sure, I was taught abstinence, and made aware of methods of birth control for the impatient. But what of quiet? where do I find the courage to be silent? where do I find the peace I need to accept the noise around me without screaming.I don't want to cut at the strings that bind me. I like them where they are. but It seems I may have to. and I'm afraid the one true thing I have would then forever be lost. Laughter rings a macabre tone from the lip's of a mad man, and I wonder if the only thing I'm hearing is Myself.


Roll Of The Beat

Posted on 2005.12.22 at 14:40
Current Mood: creativecreative
Unbridle our passion
strip away all hate
forget your possessions
and slip into a state
of rythem and interaction
of quick beats,quicker reactions
no dooms days
no power plays
no somedays
with bird and prey
just copesetic
true heart passions in tribal succession
of a beat beat beat
on goes the session
on goes the lesson
only the self to compete
and complete these realizations
true heart
brave heart
quick starts
passions part
and on goes the session
tear away the flesh
reveal a new skin
new body so clean
so fresh
never touched by sin
like truth so streched
into melodies for the ear to catch
and make you fall on in
to perpetual grins
no growing sins
no" have never been" s
just a latch for the soul to catch
your true heart passions
in chaotic reactions
to the beat beat beat
in our chests
too fast it say's the rest
and on goes the session
on goes the lesson


Art and life.

Posted on 2005.12.22 at 14:03
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: library silence
You know you have to much pent-up Inside when you do 3 am runs for art materials and coffee. I'm finding lately that the amount of energy I have been expending lately cannot be coming from any natural place. An average of 4 perfectly happy hours of sleep a night, with only raman in the cabinet to show for it. Last night I was putting up the finishing touches on the article I have due saturday, and It crashed back to dos, so I'm tring to catch up at the library now. My head is swimming trying to remember what I wrote.at least this time i'll be smart enough to leave it as a email to myself and a private post so I dont lose it.It's going well right now, Realised that I've been alienating my family this past year out of my own shame, I feel like I let them down all the time. It's about time I put a stop to that sort of non-sense. I've always had things to be proud of, I am not the failure I have felt. Even if nothings going right I still have the attitude that I take to the matter. I think I'll spend the night calling my relatives.Love all you guys. Merry christmas.


show date

Posted on 2005.12.20 at 20:02
O.k., So I'll be in the the gallery portion of the show at Mephisto's on the 20th of january, and writing an article for the premiere edition. Cool. So there you go, If You want to know. I am dog tired now, and still have work to do on this Piece I started. Zietgeist and the body shop are in my future too, but not immediate. I'll post some pic's as soon as I can get this camera my friend gave to work, damn it. No manual and none of the buttons are labeled. No label on the camera either. maybe I'll post a pic of it too:) Dog tired,getting illiterate. Go. Now. Bye.


The Boondocks

Posted on 2005.12.17 at 15:53
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: library silence
what odd things travel in the spaces of your mind when cold and love grip your soul.I had to do a little trimming on my inner tree last night so I'm little sore for the liking.last night went to audition a band called velveteen rabbit for the magizine lauch in jan,they weren't bad but it got me thinking about my own music and how I've been dragging my heels.true enough that I'd had higher priorities but it's about time to get the ball rolling again.my soul's in the boondocks.at least comedy is rampent there but now is not the time in my life to be distracted by things that aren't helping me to grow.I've sworn off bad things for awile.no club's,no liquer,no bad vibes,no drama.I have alot to fix,though I believe I'm making good progress.I hadn't realised how little of myself I've been lately.just a man consumed in quick fixes and easy distractions.it hurts to honestly look at all the trouble I've caused by not doing what was right for me and others.I send out my apologies,and hope to make some amends.interdepedency is fine,but It's up to me to act on my lessons.my list of things to be done is shrinking.my list is growing.that's how it goes when your learning about yourself.sometimes you spend hours in tears,only to force your self awake 3 hours later to keep it all together.I sill maintain I've never been happier.it's just painful to live without the communication you want,and the friends you've found you loved.

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