posturing

what recompense for doting fools
drooling over rights to pass
making fjords in frigid waters
calling loud to the lost and blind
where from home I pass the time
seperate from leaves withered on the vine
an october spent thoughtless
made to november so daunting
and here comes the cold again
what voice can rise if not bitten first by the weather
what reunion without coacoa bittersweet
and lovingly warmed
a charm in hand to hold the beasts at bay
the bear made to sleep and the dog to forage at my doorstep
whining its displeasure at absentee masters
what reason di god give to make room for winter
was it art, the need in us for dismal wet
december days to shock us into beauty
was it love and the effert of two to stave off the wind
was it war and the need to make a way for breaking armys across the back of a january's march
what ever fool reason
what ever travesty of insight on the eternal plan
I am glad for november rain
and being out of it again

been a little home sick for detroit. havent had the time to post or do much online in forever. myspacing sucks. finally an upstanding member of society again what with a job and a pocket full of cards with nifty little holograms. when does living responsibly get more interesting?

i miss everyone sometimes here. I think everyone can understand. hard to get online lately. have a computer but no want to relive my homesickness. that is all.

seems life is a wonder, with green and irridesence, swirls of dark hues caught ragged on our minds, and I haven't been in much a mood with all these new things to write as of late, but today I had a bit of a crushing defeat that shell shocked me from this reverie. I have an article due for indiescript magazine that I wrote and stored to disk before my move, but was left in bad places for a time, in fact all my disks were left out in the cold so to speak. this computer does not have a floppy drive so I went to the local college to retrieve my files and for my grief I found all the disks corrupted. no more novel. all my essays. all my articles. shame to say the least. not sure how to process this yet, but I can't shed many tears. folly is what it is. I just have a hard time keeping it all in focus, so losing such an anchor is a bit disturbing. I can't even remember the assignment. ah well. I guess I just need to get back up and start writing again. been absorbed in new experiences and haven't put the pen to paper lately. you know when you reach a point of accumulation that it bottlenecks itself and you cant put down a word of it? well, those are lost times now.

well, this is my last night in michigan. and I am glad to leave. I will miss this place very much. that is the kind of thing tugging at my heart every day. I have a few specific thank yous to make, to my friends. first to everyone. thanks for the support the ass kicking and the good drink. I know every one did everything they could. Scott Love, and Jax, thanks for putting your self out there for me, I doubt I would be alive today if it were not for that. you gave me back my pride, and gave me a reason to believe in people, in me. Bernie, you have done much to help keep me whole, and been a good advisor, helping me see the decisions I have had to make in a new light.To Indiescript magazine for helping me connect in the right directions, the right places. to John and Lailee, for taking this stray cat in for a few days, helping me put things in order, for great conversation guidance and friendship. to Julia for showing me nothing is insurmountable. to monster mike for reminding me it is ok to be crazy. to shell for love and friendship, laughs and huggs. to Lexie for pushing me and inspiring me to greater things. to Gregg for that luminous card reading. to eric for painting and backgammon on freezing cold nights. and to every one. I love you.

moving on train transcontinental like even. monday at 7:23 am. last night at city. maybe ever, maybe long time. party like its 1492!! oh. when did that happen.

The dust was sleeping

Soundly beneath the weeping

Of this widowed willow

Before my tresspass

Stilled it's manic nap

Calming it to a rizing cloud

With steps beneath the lord tree's umbrella

Alone atop the bottom hill

It seemed, crowded out

Into waiting for a nnewton

To acompany it's graceful solitude

With the panged fibrilation

Of the darks whispers

For hearth and home

And the drenching rain of comptenplation
Trickles through the lords umbrella

No poe am I

But the still of the soils manic nap begs my reverence

Beaneath

From canvas prison

To calm rising clarity

Aching metamorphasis from

Diamond gleam into

Swirling fairy to

Tickle my eye in two

Laughing and I

Aim to please

an edifice in the face I play
an emotional day
to fuck a soul out of it's grave
and burn this heart with obsession and ranting nonsense
these words mean nothing
no healing
no shame
no will to keep reserved the pain
want do I want of immortality
no poe
no kahn
no way to measure the decibels in my heart
screaming
writhing
stoic chains
a mask of solumn mind
and bamboo calm
what god is this
what choice have you given
to be bidden to words and unforgiven
I have lost my heart
along the way
many times it's the price I've paid
I've worn lovers like socks
they've all disintegrated
into the dust clouding my sight
choking my heart
and tearing my eyes
tearing my mind
with razor sharp awareness
I am a darwinian end game
no future in love for those who love it wholly
and that is such a mask
so ripe a grape
sour on the vine my life took shape
can I see back to the womb
to my childhood years
crying in mothers arms
with a hand on the back of my head
is this where I find my ache to be held
do I ache to be fucked?
I hate this vulgarity
the child reflected in me
to bring bitter words to a noble enterprise
vinegar for the friday fish dinner
I cannot continue this demise

this friday is the premiere party for the magazine I work for, and I will be exibiting my art on the third floor. a must go to, my friends. it will be a night of decadence and spirit. this will be my debut in the art community, it's not great expectations, but you can make the story just as sweet. come friends come. support our scene, lets get detroit moving again.
Get ready, people! Less than a week away from the indiescript premiere party!

We will be honored with the sultry voice of Sandy Hopkins of Velveteen Rabbit.

We have one bad ass guitar player, Elliot Moses, formerly of Long Necked Goose. Some of you may know him from his work with The Kingsnakes. He's started a new project with some long time friends -- The Universal Temple of Divine Power. You do NOT want to miss this one! This guy kicks ass on the guitar!

And to finish the night off we give you Orbis!

The party starts @ 8:30 P.M. We'll have an art exhibit showcasing some of Detroit's very talented artists. The music kicks off around 10:00 P.M. So, show up early, meet some amazing artists/musicians, stay late and have a fucking fantastic time!

We at indiescript would also like to thank all of you for the amazing support and interest you all are taking in this! It's most appreciated! We Love Ya'!

Sincerely,

indiescript -- Jodie Rossi, Scott Love, Jack Sore

*Forward this on to anyone who may be interested in attending the event*
Hosted By: indiescript
When: Friday Jan 20, 2006
at 8:30 PM
Where: Mephisto's
2764 Florian
Hamtramck, MI 48212
US
Description:
indiescript

well, I can't be surprised by this. my world has always been at extremes. maybe that's why I find myself settled in detroit. to get back to topic, I was in a mood. one of loss and remembrance, one of joy and wonder. I was thinking of an old friend, who through circumstance and serendipity I had lost contact with. I was in a fucking mood to boil my mind in hot oil, so instead I sent out a bulittin on myspace. a little meme to spread. I am looking for.... well if you where my friend you know. so I also, for shits and giggles, sent out a couple random messages to people in a couple states where I thought she might be. I didn't expect anything of it. but it was a good venting exercise and I felt better. so yesterday I get to the computer and I have a message. "Hey Jack,
i do know ....... i regularly talk to her brother ......, who is in my friend group and he has her as a friend. she is living in california. check my friends find ..... then you will find .... why did you message me? just curious. hope you reach her soon, write me agian if you want take care
H ...."
so this came from one of the few people I randomly messaged. shock and awe, after a couple years of wondering, and one 45 dollar shot at trying, I find her. because I was in a mood and sent off a random prayer to the universe. well I'll be damned if the universe doesn't send me the most random things.:lol:

I just wanted to take a moment to ask my friends these questions. they seem to be the ones I've been needing to answer lately. sometimes the best guidance comes from related experience.
What is your dream?
What inspires you?
do they connect?
are you living that dream?
do you or have you had to make sacrifices to it?
at what point are dreams not worth the pursuit for you?
what do you do if you have many dreams, but none of witch are your specific talents?

I had a truck. yes me, a truck. It was a 95 chevy s10 v6 throttlebody injected piece of shit. It was silver with neon orange spay paint covering the rust on the wheel wells and the face of a boxer that needed retired. It had no exaust. It was loud and rough, like most my hearts. It got me everywhere. from flat rock to port huron. It is gone now, and I was upset, but now I see the blessing in it. I live in Ferndale now. I walk everywhere. and I am once again becoming part of a community. I see people on the street, and I know them. I haunt regular places. I work three blocks away, the laudramat is two, and my favorite coffe shop is a 2 minute walk. I never really appreciated being central until I had no choice, and I see now how much I have wasted on gas over the years I have lived in this state. not to mention insurance. enough to pay for this apartment. I can now live on 5 dollars a day to live richly, in the spiritual sense. my favorite tie food I can get for a dollar. every where else I would go, others are heading there, or it's somewhere I don't really need to go. I discovered the bus will take me to wyandote easily. detroit has a bus system. Shock, It has worked thus far. It was my main gripe when I moved here from San Jose. Turns out you just need someone to show you the ropes and it's easy as pie. Pain in the ass, but you can't beat traveling and getting stuff done. I think I'll buy a bike today. Just an awakening. carry on.

Every day I'm here is a stay of execution. Every day I breath my last. I have too much to do for suicide, and too little time till tomorrow. A barrel roll in my chest, I heave a deep sigh. The world is passing me by, and her name lingers. Terra. I met the mother of fortune, and lost my bride to the muse, so now I dredge deep water blues and listen to the drunken hearted man. A sober sight is bad for me in the morning. It makes me spit fire, and dream of Ice queens. One step. That's all I have to do to get past the rail, so why do I linger? Because the rail is behind me, and I've already been there. I killed myself once for love, and that is enough to stay my execution today. Death is every day, we just don't see it. If a man sleeps alone, if a tree falls in the woods, does it matter? What is the cost of the inspired heart? Depth. Heights. But not a ladder in sight, and you're falling, you're flying.

death. that is resolution. I've had to kill a part of me this year. but it's ok. it's better off gone. love survives almost anything, but letting go of things, letting be, took alot. last year was promised to be a good year, but instead it ends with a pounding head and a space missing in my mind. I'm sorry for all the shit and drama. I'm sorry for being him. this year, I resolve to no great things, but live a good life. my great loves broke last year. they broke because I fucked with everything. this year I am tao. I pray for redemption.

Don't you wish sometimes you could just turn something off? The lower flat mates bathroom fan, the smoke alarms beep every thirty seconds, the traffic outside, the car horn picking up your neighbor two doors down. Quiet the world, Quiet the mind. Let the heart digest the need for silence. The desire for removal. But you can't. to do so you would have to break it. Embrace hate. Turn away yourself. I do not enjoy this din wrapped around my tears, but it is better than the consequences of the impulse to ruin. Metaphors abound in this world, and I wonder what key I'm missing, what lesson I missed in childhood.
Was there a class on patience, did I miss the course on self preservation? To be sure, I was taught abstinence, and made aware of methods of birth control for the impatient. But what of quiet? where do I find the courage to be silent? where do I find the peace I need to accept the noise around me without screaming.I don't want to cut at the strings that bind me. I like them where they are. but It seems I may have to. and I'm afraid the one true thing I have would then forever be lost. Laughter rings a macabre tone from the lip's of a mad man, and I wonder if the only thing I'm hearing is Myself.

Unbridle our passion
strip away all hate
forget your possessions
and slip into a state
of rythem and interaction
of quick beats,quicker reactions
no dooms days
no power plays
no somedays
with bird and prey
just copesetic
true heart passions in tribal succession
of a beat beat beat
on goes the session
on goes the lesson
only the self to compete
and complete these realizations
true heart
brave heart
quick starts
passions part
and on goes the session
tear away the flesh
reveal a new skin
new body so clean
so fresh
never touched by sin
like truth so streched
into melodies for the ear to catch
and make you fall on in
to perpetual grins
no growing sins
no" have never been" s
just a latch for the soul to catch
your true heart passions
in chaotic reactions
to the beat beat beat
in our chests
too fast it say's the rest
and on goes the session
on goes the lesson

You know you have to much pent-up Inside when you do 3 am runs for art materials and coffee. I'm finding lately that the amount of energy I have been expending lately cannot be coming from any natural place. An average of 4 perfectly happy hours of sleep a night, with only raman in the cabinet to show for it. Last night I was putting up the finishing touches on the article I have due saturday, and It crashed back to dos, so I'm tring to catch up at the library now. My head is swimming trying to remember what I wrote.at least this time i'll be smart enough to leave it as a email to myself and a private post so I dont lose it.It's going well right now, Realised that I've been alienating my family this past year out of my own shame, I feel like I let them down all the time. It's about time I put a stop to that sort of non-sense. I've always had things to be proud of, I am not the failure I have felt. Even if nothings going right I still have the attitude that I take to the matter. I think I'll spend the night calling my relatives.Love all you guys. Merry christmas.

O.k., So I'll be in the the gallery portion of the show at Mephisto's on the 20th of january, and writing an article for the premiere edition. Cool. So there you go, If You want to know. I am dog tired now, and still have work to do on this Piece I started. Zietgeist and the body shop are in my future too, but not immediate. I'll post some pic's as soon as I can get this camera my friend gave to work, damn it. No manual and none of the buttons are labeled. No label on the camera either. maybe I'll post a pic of it too:) Dog tired,getting illiterate. Go. Now. Bye.

what odd things travel in the spaces of your mind when cold and love grip your soul.I had to do a little trimming on my inner tree last night so I'm little sore for the liking.last night went to audition a band called velveteen rabbit for the magizine lauch in jan,they weren't bad but it got me thinking about my own music and how I've been dragging my heels.true enough that I'd had higher priorities but it's about time to get the ball rolling again.my soul's in the boondocks.at least comedy is rampent there but now is not the time in my life to be distracted by things that aren't helping me to grow.I've sworn off bad things for awile.no club's,no liquer,no bad vibes,no drama.I have alot to fix,though I believe I'm making good progress.I hadn't realised how little of myself I've been lately.just a man consumed in quick fixes and easy distractions.it hurts to honestly look at all the trouble I've caused by not doing what was right for me and others.I send out my apologies,and hope to make some amends.interdepedency is fine,but It's up to me to act on my lessons.my list of things to be done is shrinking.my list is growing.that's how it goes when your learning about yourself.sometimes you spend hours in tears,only to force your self awake 3 hours later to keep it all together.I sill maintain I've never been happier.it's just painful to live without the communication you want,and the friends you've found you loved.

warm home.new full time job at le taco belle nuit oh nuit d'more.loving and supportive friends.a loved one missed dearly.art wine and poetry.nice clean clothes.what more could be asked for.life is beautiful.


When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....